The Intricate Tale of Two Beers

One day, there was this man. Actually, he was there quite a few days. Lots really. Sorry, didn't mean to mislead you. What I meant in my head is different than what I told you. What I meant was, "On a particular day of many." So that is what i shall say.

On a particular day of many, there was this man. He currently could smell the exhaust of the transit bus that he was sitting on. The window was open, which was uncomfortable for it was fairly cold out, let alone the exhaust. He was forced to use THIS particular seat. He didn't like this seat. As he walked down the bus, it was the only seat left, and for reason too! All the seats on this bus were a velvety-ish red. The uncalled-for seat was not all red. It had a fair sized spot... no, not spot, that indicates something small.. it had a fair sized BLOTCH of hard goo. Will it stick to the ars-end of pants?? Who would know? Obviously not anyone on THIS bus. Noone was sitting on it. He sat on it. He was tired and was not about to stand. The window was stuck. AH, that's why it was open, blowing directly into his face.

As he sat in the wind and goo, he thought of his day at work, and how he'd shot his supervisor in the face. Noone liked him anyway. It was just as well, right? Well, as it seems, thick blue rubber bands don't do much damage to the face, but it DOES get you fired. It was after his supervisor yelled, "AaaooooWWWWW!!!", that he yelled, "Your OUTTA HERE!!!".
Stupid man liked baseball alittle too much. It was precisely at THAT point that our hero's mind clicked. If you had been there, you would have actually seen his left eye squint and quiver a little bit. He slowly got up from his chair, in his grey cubical, walked past his now former supervisor, and walked, what seemed, calmly into the mail room. He grabbed a cardboard mailing tube and then beat the crap out of his former supervisor.

His one regret is that the cardboard tube broke before the guy's head did.

Now on the bus, he was heading to his favorite bar, where as he reached it, got off the bus. He walked in and downed two beers. Just as he thought life had gotten it's worst, he realised that his pants were stuck to his chair. He then proceded to shoot himself in the face, for he had no job. But again, thick blue rubber bands only hurt.